The Gospel of Jeff, Part I

The Scroll Of
The Exodus Of The People Of Jeff Street

And it came to pass that Mike, of the lineage of Elliott, did leave as priest of the Children of Jeff Street, and thereupon Cindy, of the lineage of Weber, which in those days did serve as associate priest, did begin to lead the people.

And the Children of Jeff Street were fruitful, and did increase abundantly, and did multiply, not so much in number as in maturity and in spiritual fortitude, and they did wax exceedingly mighty.

Now in that day there was a king over the tribe of Long Run, who was of the lineage of Ahab. This king had loved Mike the Elliott exceedingly, but loved not, yea, could not abide whatsoever, Cindy the Weber, her being a priestess.

And he did say unto those of his subjects whose minds and wills he could control, “Behold, the Children of Jeff Street are great in their zeal to question my authority and that of the tribe of Long Run, and indeed they further do challenge the laws of our entire nation and the ways of our culture, and they do seek to abide by new forms of leadership, of worship, and of action. Therefore, come, let us deal wisely with them. Let us appoint over them a male priest to lead them, lest they multiply in strength and seek to call forth Cindy the Weber to be their leader.”

Therefore, they did seek to set against them several male priests to lead them. But the people of Jeff Street said, “Nay.”

Therefore, they did set against them taskmasters under the employ of the tribe of Long Run to afflict them with multiple scrolls of memoranda, and numerous other afflictions. And they did make their lives bitter with hard bondage, in meetings and in red tape, as numerous and vast as the heavens; and yea all their service, wherein they did make them serve was under the bondage of meetings, and of memoranda, and of redtape.

And the Children of Jeff Street did call unto the Lord saying, “We beseech thee O God to afflict King Ahab, Jr. with an affliction such that will cause him to remove from us this bondage.”

And the Lord did answer unto them, “Fear not, for yea already have I afflicted him with an affliction greater than all others, such that his skin is covered all about with polyester of a bright and hideous hue.”

And indeed the more the Long Runians did oppress the Children of Jeff Street, the more did they multiply and grow. And thus a great sound was heard throughout the land of the Long Runians, like the grinding of the wheel of a mill, that was the sound of their gnashing of teeth over the Children of Jeff Street.

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Thus ends the first chapter in the Exodus of the Children of Jeff Street, by Father Roberto