Vernon Easterhare Declares:

Jeff Street At Liberty Baptist Church fits me. As a mental health consumer, it takes a special kind of church to fit my needs, one that could accommodate a guy that has had just a tad too much “direct inspiration of the Holy Spirit” for his own viability or the comfort level of church folks... who always like to accuse directly or indirectly the mentally ill of being demon-possessed. That, in fact, is one of my hot-buttons, and if I get the opportunity in these-here declarations to tell people how much energy I put both into responsible living and Christian discipleship, then maybe this sleeping elephant of demon-possession latent in Christian churches could dissipate.

I wanna clarify something right up front, real quick: only the more-Pentecostalist denominations are up-front in talking about demon-possession. But the onus of such attitudes sticks in mainline church folks' minds, and not just as a carry-over to watching the 700 Club on tv. It seems part in parcel with attitudes about mental illness that go back into the fog of time, back into colonial American history and even into medieval European history with its Inquisition of witchcraft.

But maybe my assessment is incorrect. All I can say is that I sure get a lot of discounts when I go to a regular church and try to talk about my “walk with the Holy Spirit,” which is a lot scarier than most disciples ever have. But I have learned some profound spiritual lessons, which I hope to share with the world via Jeff Street's blog. Thanks to D.T. and all!

I have decided to use a pseudonym, because I read in a book that it is smart to do so on the Internet. I have no problems exactly with people looking me up; but that would not be as important as hearkening to what I say.

I am bipolar, a manic-depressive; I get controlled fairly well on chemicals and a God-fearing psychotherapist from a community mental health center. Mania and depression are experienced as spiritual processes, but psychiatrists-- almost to a one-- decline to even share a word or two about the noetic side of my psychiatry. Every now and then, though, a clinician, usually a social worker, will wink in a way that illuminates guidance in the arduous spiritual trials of the psychotic, whose topsy-turvy world view must now consider that blind and concrete obedience to the Bible-- as opposed to Agapé God-- has caused him to commit horrific acts of unloving crassness. (I could go into considerable detail, but in my life the worst injury to the social fabric has been when I whack off perfectly o.k. Relationships for little or no reason.)

I need a church that will permit me to be a disciple, taking my medication and questioning what whims come. Believe-you-me, the holier the whim seems to be to me, the more I have to watch out. But then this is not unbelief; this is only the testing of belief. See I John 4:1, “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God.” In a larger sense, this testing implies not the absence of faith but the preparation for faith, fulfilling the prerequisites for determining that all other ways but the truth presented are not here extant.

I pray a great deal, but my prayers are not the real relaxing, take-it-easy, slow-brainwave types, but active struggle with hard stuff in my noetic consideration. Of course, I am on disability (having had 25-plus involuntary mental hospitalizations); money is somewhat tight; but I would not say that is the tip-top hot issue burning my thoughts. Nope.

What burns me is how I believe in the preachings of Jesus and the disciples but have a real problem with miracles. I want to say “I believe; help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24 NRSV.) But when it comes to getting the sins outa demon-possessed crazy guy...which happens several times, several ways... I get queasy. Even if Jesus is doing the healing.

But I don't think Jesus assures you will land in the major leagues of discipleship just after flocking-around; a period of becoming “fully qualified” (katertismenos), Luke 6:40 NRSV, is required before a disciple, meaning a 'student,' can make it from the little leagues to the majors and “be like the teacher.”

So, I do pray with a murmuring heart. But when I learned that the Aramaic word that Jesus probably used for “to pray,” tsli, means: “1. to bend, wrest, pray; 2. to roast”-- then I knew that the mindset of Jesus in praying may have not been much different “wrestling” than my own! (This may explain the tradition of 'sweating blood' in the Garden of Gethsemane; See Luke 22:43-44.)

Jesus, help me to know from false witness the True
So that in temptation the Compass will point to You!

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By "Vernon Easterhare," a new member of our beloved community